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Pickle Corner

Welcome back to The Rectangle’s Pickle Review Corner! Today we will be reviewing the “Heinz Genuine Whole Dill Pickle.” Three of our expert pickle critics will taste the pickles, break them down by category and give a closing statement. …

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Health and Well-Being Resources

Depressed Like Everyone Else?

Damn that's lowkey but highkey kinda crazy. You should probably do something about that lol. Just remember, your billing statement (eBill) from Drexel University is now ready for you to view.

Whore-o-scopes

Scorpio

You need to go get some good W.A.P. today. And I'm not talking about the Megan Thee Stallion song (you pervert), I’m talking about good old fashioned Working-out And Protein drinks! Summer is fast approaching and your future beau is coming to you on a Jersey shore beach in three months and six days. So get workin!

Leo

Today you should be focused on Disney. Make sure this morning you are a sleeping beauty, then put on some Mu-langerie, after that go downstairs and put some Tiana stove. Make sure you slide into those dm’s today lest someone Elsa beat you to it, and when you do complement them Anna lot of stuff. Last but not least, make sure you remember there’s Snow White way to get down and dirty, just make sure you mo(an)-an-a a lot and remember that just because it’s good doesn’t mean you have to Merida guy!

Taurus

I’m going to need you to hold my hand when I tell you this. It just happened. That last time you got nasty dirty freaky? Yeah. That was it. That was the last time. No, not like the last time this month or the last time this year, that was the l a s t time. So put up your “closed” sign, border up those windows because nobody is riding that roller coaster ever again. I hope it was worth it, and I’m really sorry for your loss.

Statement on [Insert Tragic Event]

Dear Members of the Drexel Community

On today [insert date], [insert summary of tragic event] occured. I am deeply saddened by [insert tragic event].
Our thoughts and prayers are with the [victims | survivors | those affected]. While we can offer our thoughts and prayers, these are simply not enough. We must additionally offer [insert token effort]