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Pickle Corner

Welcome back to The Rectangle’s Pickle Review Corner! Today we will be reviewing the “Heinz Genuine Whole Dill Pickle.” Three of our expert pickle critics will taste the pickles, break them down by category and give a closing statement. …

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Health and Well-Being Resources

Depressed Like Everyone Else?

Damn that's lowkey but highkey kinda crazy. You should probably do something about that lol. Just remember, your billing statement (eBill) from Drexel University is now ready for you to view.

Whore-o-scopes

Leo

Today you should be focused on Disney. Make sure this morning you are a sleeping beauty, then put on some Mu-langerie, after that go downstairs and put some Tiana stove. Make sure you slide into those dm’s today lest someone Elsa beat you to it, and when you do complement them Anna lot of stuff. Last but not least, make sure you remember there’s Snow White way to get down and dirty, just make sure you mo(an)-an-a a lot and remember that just because it’s good doesn’t mean you have to Merida guy!

Aquarius

Do you hear that annoying squeak in your bed frame that inevitably keeps your roommates up all night? Yeah neither do they and they wrote in to tell me that you need to get going! All beds must be broken into and yours is eerily quiet, so go read Aries’ whore-o-scope because the two of you can wingmen each other (trust me, you’ll need it).

Sagittarius

I’m gonna need you to lock in with me here. That person who’s been pursuing you is on their last nerve and is going to give up soon. Now you and I both know that they gave you a bed rockin’, hair pullin’, booty bouncin’ good time and you can’t let that slip you by. Lock in and lock them down (maybe literally!).

Statement on [Insert Tragic Event]

Dear Members of the Drexel Community

On today [insert date], [insert summary of tragic event] occured. I am deeply saddened by [insert tragic event].
Our thoughts and prayers are with the [victims | survivors | those affected]. While we can offer our thoughts and prayers, these are simply not enough. We must additionally offer [insert token effort]