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Pickle Corner

Welcome back to The Rectangle’s Pickle Review Corner! Today we will be reviewing the “Heinz Genuine Whole Dill Pickle.” Three of our expert pickle critics will taste the pickles, break them down by category and give a closing statement. …

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Health and Well-Being Resources

Depressed Like Everyone Else?

Damn that's lowkey but highkey kinda crazy. You should probably do something about that lol. Just remember, your billing statement (eBill) from Drexel University is now ready for you to view.

Whore-o-scopes

Libra

Do it jiggle? Do it squirt? What do these questions have in common? They’ve both been asked by desperate frat guys and it’s this kind of rizz that is getting you no bitches! Switch up your game, have some class, be better and attract the type of person you wish to see in this world. Yes it jiggles, if by jiggles you mean shakes and by it you mean hands during a business deal. And yes it squirts if by squirts you mean it fills with money and by it you mean your bank account.

Capricorn

It’s time for some sexuality switching! Go try something new, your usual routines are fun, but well worn. Take a spin with the gender wheel and unlock hidden sexualities previously unbeknownst to humanity! Get some he/him-bos added to your roster, get zir/ze-rious about being freaky, become a she/her-icane of uninhibited sexual desire! Carpe every diem you see!

Scorpio

You need to go get some good W.A.P. today. And I'm not talking about the Megan Thee Stallion song (you pervert), I’m talking about good old fashioned Working-out And Protein drinks! Summer is fast approaching and your future beau is coming to you on a Jersey shore beach in three months and six days. So get workin!

Statement on [Insert Tragic Event]

Dear Members of the Drexel Community

On today [insert date], [insert summary of tragic event] occured. I am deeply saddened by [insert tragic event].
Our thoughts and prayers are with the [victims | survivors | those affected]. While we can offer our thoughts and prayers, these are simply not enough. We must additionally offer [insert token effort]