MUST READ: Breaking News
Announcements
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Confirm that you are going to give us money please.
AskTheRectangle
Have a question? That sucks.
#notsponsored
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Planning on committing a war crime?
Is your group chat missing a journalist to spice things up? Add our esteemed editor-in-chief, Il Duce, to your group chat and share all the classified secrets you want! We promise we won't publish them!
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Congarts. You have won twenty-five billion dollar!
Please click on this link to claim your prize from Mr beats: http://ehfiufhui.notascam.jpeg.gov
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Introducing Drexel Rush!
In a new collaboration with Rush sponsored by the uptake in usage at the frats on campus, Drexel has combined to create a new brand of poppers for the everyday college student
Health and Well-Being Resources
Depressed Like Everyone Else?
Damn that's lowkey but highkey kinda crazy. You should probably do something about that lol. Just remember, your billing statement (eBill) from Drexel University is now ready for you to view.
Whore-o-scopes
Aquarius
Do you hear that annoying squeak in your bed frame that inevitably keeps your roommates up all night? Yeah neither do they and they wrote in to tell me that you need to get going! All beds must be broken into and yours is eerily quiet, so go read Aries’ whore-o-scope because the two of you can wingmen each other (trust me, you’ll need it).
Taurus
I’m going to need you to hold my hand when I tell you this. It just happened. That last time you got nasty dirty freaky? Yeah. That was it. That was the last time. No, not like the last time this month or the last time this year, that was the l a s t time. So put up your “closed” sign, border up those windows because nobody is riding that roller coaster ever again. I hope it was worth it, and I’m really sorry for your loss.
Leo
Today you should be focused on Disney. Make sure this morning you are a sleeping beauty, then put on some Mu-langerie, after that go downstairs and put some Tiana stove. Make sure you slide into those dm’s today lest someone Elsa beat you to it, and when you do complement them Anna lot of stuff. Last but not least, make sure you remember there’s Snow White way to get down and dirty, just make sure you mo(an)-an-a a lot and remember that just because it’s good doesn’t mean you have to Merida guy!
Statement on [Insert Tragic Event]
Dear Members of the Drexel Community
On today [insert date], [insert summary of tragic event] occured. I am deeply saddened by [insert
tragic event].
Our thoughts and prayers are with the [victims | survivors | those affected]. While we can offer our thoughts
and prayers, these are simply not enough. We must additionally offer [insert token effort]