In a move that has left the academic community stunned (and slightly concerned), Drexel University announced last Friday their newest innovative venture to alleviate the growing burden of student debt amongst Drexel students: the Drexel Games. According to a statement put out by the University, the Drexel Games is modeled after a very famous piece of dystopian fiction and aims to revolutionize the landscape of higher education. 

Drexel Games is a one-of-its-kind approach to awarding students their scholarship money. Awards range from zero to full tuition scholarships and all students are eligible to apply and participate. The deadline to apply is April 1, 2024, exactly a month before the games are to be held, and application will include 13 small short answer questions, four letters of recommendation (preferably from a reputable Philadelphia Eagles or 76ers player) and resume submission. 

The first games, to be held on May 1, 2024, which is coincidentally the day many high school seniors have to commit to a university, will be held at the University of Pennsylvania football stadium. The Drexel athletic department commented on this surprising location. 

“We anticipate strong attendance from students, faculty and parents around the tri-state area and need a space large enough to accommodate the crowd. Unfortunately, the DAC just doesn’t have the seating capacity required for the event.”

The Drexel Games, while a valuable opportunity for students to earn their financial awards, will also be a great opportunity for students to learn a skill that will be applicable to their future careers beyond college: fighting for survival while finding a way to fund it. 

“At Drexel we believe that education is a competitive sport,” said President John Frye, the founder of the games. “We had a vision for the games and really think that this will be one step closer to ensuring that all students have a fair chance at receiving enough money to fund their college education.”

The games will include three main rounds, eliminating participants along the way with increased scholarship money being awarded the longer participants can stay in the game. Drexel Emergency Medical Services will be on standby throughout the competition to provide medical attention if necessary, although President Frye emphasized that they wouldn’t be required.

“The law required us to have medical staffing for the event, though we didn’t think that this competition would result in any injuries. We are disappointed in the lack of faith from the State department but will be cooperative as required by law. We are very law abiding.”

Former Navy Seals and wilderness experts will also be present to judge the competition, determining the amount of scholarship money that will be awarded based on how they feel each participant performs. 

In response to a question about how much money and where the money is actually coming from, President Frye was hesitant to comment but did mention the source.

“The money came from our current students’ tuition of course. The university unfortunately doesn’t have the resources to fund the scholarships of this many students so we decided it was best for students to pay for themselves. In order to do so we unfortunately have to raise the current tuition by another 20,000 dollars every year from now.” Frye declined to comment regarding how much money was being spent to conduct the competition. 

In a statement released to the press, the Drexel Board of Trustees expressed their complete support for the initiative. 

“The Drexel Games will go down in history for the student engagement it garners and we are excited to see how our students use the skills they learned during college and high school to problem solve through the tasks they are given. We have faith that most of the students will survive the competition and even fewer with sufficient money.”

With excitement for the games slowly ramping up, the feelings of nervous anticipation are evident all around campus. Each academic building has been converted into student specific training groups where students can learn and practice skills like shooting arrows, sword fighting, hand-to-hand combat and intellectual prowess. among others. 

May the odds be ever in your favor and may the best student win.