Every so often Drexel University notifies us that we owe them money. Of course payment of this money is optional. The other option is to stop attending classes and become the next Steve Jobs. But since Jobs is as dead as this analogy and Apple is well on its way without your assistance, maybe it’s best that you stay

in school.

While we spend most of our time bitching about how much money Drexel sucks from us each term, maybe it’s time we all shut up and realize the value in this — yes, there are benefits in expensive tuition.

Your liver thanks you kindly for choosing Drexel. If you weren’t shelling out tens of thousands of dollars to enhance your brain, you would be splurging on ridiculously high-priced cocktails and put yourself in a constant state of drunkenness.

Instead you can comprise a list of every bar within the city, strategically mapping out the best happy hour deals throughout the week. Make every penny count. Even if that penny is going to a warmer-than-room-temperature no-name-brand beer.


I feel like I shouldn’t even have to expand on this. But think of how ridiculous it would be to spend all of your money on Skittles. And put them in the Drexel pool. And then take a nice dive. How useless would that be? Very. So very useless it’s a good thing I can put that money toward Drexel’s lab fee instead, even though I have yet to and will never take a lab-required course.

Another benefit is we are forced to attend class. But wait, doesn’t everyone who pays tuition at any school regardless of price get to attend class? Why yes, but we at Drexel are special. Textbooks aren’t high on the priority scale when budgeting out money. They’re probably below that wonderful beer we mentioned earlier.

To solve this problem, we go to class to listen to the professor (who most likely wrote the book anyway) lecture directly from the book (the one which he wrote) with the aid of a PowerPoint presentation (which he copied and pasted from the book).

We get the joy of attending class and not having to pay for a textbook! What a bargain.

The best part is after giving Drexel all your money you get to graduate with a degree. But then you realize you were paying Drexel not with your money, but other people’s money and now it’s time to pay them back. At least you’ll get to decorate the cardboard box you now call “home” with a fancy piece of paper (that may or may not have your name spelled properly).