Amidst student complaints of deadly smells emanating from 3675 Market Street, Drexel University’s home for the College of Computing and Informatics, CCI Dean announces new policies in a hope to crack down on rampant hygiene issues. Stewie Bryant, Director of Drexel’s Bachelor’s CS Program, reflected that “even after eighty years of teaching computer science at Drexel University, he still isn’t used to the smell of his classes.”

According to the Drexel Administration, the hygiene issues have gotten so bad that they almost lost money from low application rates, causing them to start to address a decade-long issue. “Better hygiene means more students in CCI, and more students in CCI means more money and Lockheed Martin brand deals,” added Jack Frye, Associate Vice President of Enrollment Analytics at Drexel University and John Frye’s nephew.

The new initiatives taking place at CCI range drastically from offering free deodorant in the lobby, extra-credit for particularly hygienic students, and re-installing showers in the bathrooms on the ninth, tenth, and eleventh floors. Fire sprinklers on these floors will be replaced with Febreze misters as well. The university is allegedly planning on spending $1.2 million dollars on the project, their most expensive endeavor unrelated to squash or basketball.

Despite the high cost, many students were quick to rally behind these new policies. Samantha Barnett, a fourth year computing and security technology major believed these changes were some of the best changes at the university that she’s seen in the past few years. Barnett recalled a particularly disturbing memory from her freshman year.

“Have you ever seen a cartoon where you can see a cloud of a particularly dangerous gas form a skull and crossbones? I remember seeing one of those in the elevators on my first time at the CCI building,” Barnett claimed. Samantha also conveyed how much she missed when classes were virtual, and she “didn’t have to endure the sensory difficulties that come standard in computer science classes.”

However, overall student reception has been mixed. Gilligan Hewitz, a freshman computer science major, remarked “Why is Drexel wasting money on this? Showering is a waste of time and I am too busy concerning myself with important matters like building the next Facebook.” Hewitz went on to dismiss his fellow classmates’ concerns, insisting they were overreacting. While some students are anything but happy, CCI administration is certain these pertinent changes will bring about a new era of peace at Drexel University.