In response to the increasing rate of students’ inability to be straightforward with their answers, the university has officially announced a new interdisciplinary program: Strategic “Maybe” Studies. The launch of this new program was designed for chronically noncommittal students who respond to invitations with “I might stop by!” despite already knowing they will absolutely attend.

According to the department head, the major focuses on the psychology and social dynamics of being physically incapable of saying yes or no. The goal is to help students recognize when their “maybe” response is actually socially unacceptable and redirect them finally take control of their lives with committal responses.

While the major’s curriculum is still being finalized, we were able to get a preview into some of the core course requirements for this major:

SMAY101: Intro to Noncommittal Responses. In this introductory course, students learn to identify common phrases like “I’ll try to make it,” “maybe later,” and “we’ll see” as early signs that they have already committed to the event in their mind. The course focuses on breaking the cycle of vague responses by teaching students how to accept or decline invitations clearly and respectfully. For the final, students must turn down an invitation using a definitive “no,” provide a reasonable explanation, and do so without apologizing a million times. 

SMAY224: Advanced People-Pleasing takes students deeper into the art of overcommitment. Coursework includes scenarios where students attend events they never wanted to go to, offer help nobody asked for, and apologize preemptively for things they haven’t even done yet. The goal is to teach students how to say “yes” even when their soul screams “no.” The final will be a reflective thesis on “Why Did I Agree to This?”

SMAY320: Overthinking Everything You’ve Ever Done is one of the most important courses in the program. Students take a deep dive into the root causes of their people-pleasing and chronic noncommittal behavior. Are they overcompensating for a lack of love from your parents? Are they scarred by a jilted ex? Or are they just inherently terrible at boundaries? They will spend the semester answering these questions while simultaneously overanalyzing every decision they have ever made and every response they have given throughout their lives.

Faculty warn that enrolling in this major may result in overcommitment, social anxiety, and an alarming number of evenings spent helping set up events you never wanted to attend, but for anyone reading this and thinking “I might check it out,” congratulations: you’re already a perfect candidate.

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