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From: matthew.coakley
To: ██████████████████████
Subject: Tinder Bio of the Week
Date: Wed, 01 Apr 2026

Jen, 72

My friends would say I’m a slut for bingo. I have four eels that love me more than my grandchildren. I hate to laugh but I love nails on chalkboards. My ideal afternoon is smoking at home in just my sweatpants and Life Alert.

Must be at least 7 ft and younger than I was when my hubbie (RIP ERNEST) returned from war. Gingers need not apply.

My Anthem: “Squidward Nose” by Cupcakke

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