Frye Festival lineup drops, promises five days of fun? | The Triangle


Frye Festival lineup drops, promises five days of fun?

Apr. 1, 2019

Campus has been buzzing with the recent announcement of the Frye Festival. This luxury music festival taking place smack-dab in the middle of winter term next year is sure to be all students will talk about besides midterms in the coming weeks.

Branded as an experiential music festival from the comfort of your own campus, the festival has been organized by a bunch of sophomore engineering students. According to a chemical engineering student behind the festival, their goal is “to prove once and for all that music industry majors don’t actually deserve to get paid for co-op.”

The festival is sure to be a fun time, as they have secured a line up of solid musicians and artists to entertain us dragons. In-demand acts like Nickelback, Pentatonix, Skillet and Psy will perform in various classrooms around campus. It has also been confirmed that a Bob Ross impersonator has been secured to run a Painting with a Twist style masterclass. The six-day festival is planned to culminate with a performance by 6ix9ine who the organizers have faith will be out of jail in time for the festival.

Though they haven’t been able to muster the allure of the supermodel advertisement of the infamous Fyre Festival, the organizers have flooded Drexel University social media accounts with their spin on guerrilla marketing: filling every sorority’s bid day posts with french fry emojis.

A Beta Delta Sigma pledge was very confused when the emojis started to appear in her comments.

“I thought that I had done something wrong and would have to go into hiding like Taylor Swift did after her comments started getting flooded by snake emojis,” the pledge explained.

She went on to say that once she found out about the festival, she immediately purchased VIP tickets that include a meet and greet with Tomi Lahren and Kaitlin Bennett. The duo will be at the festival supporting their coffee table book full of art inspired by their personal victimhood.

Though most of the festival’s attendees live on campus or in the area, luxury accommodation packages are mandatory with every ticket. The standard package includes tipis for four along Lancaster Walk. You’ll want to arrive early to lock in your spot, as the excess crowd will be sent to Vidas Athletic Complex to sleep under the stars in spare mylar blankets from the Philadelphia Marathon.

Those looking to reserve a slightly more upscale sleeping spot will be able to pay for cabanas leased through American Campus Communities. Though the immaculate artist rendering displayed on the festival website implies these cabanas will be boho chic, inside sources tell us that guests will actually be staying in the rooms of displaced University Crossings residents who have had electricity overages in the last six months.

So what is this festival going to cost you? The most basic package falls just under a year’s worth of tuition, and the most exclusive packages will set you back three years of tuition and two-tenths from your GPA. Showing his support for the festival, Daddy Fryz has announced that he will be offering grant packages to the first 100 students who sign up for the Squash team.