Jen, 72

My friends would say I’m a slut for bingo. I have four eels that love me more than my grandchildren. I hate to laugh but I love nails on chalkboards. My ideal afternoon is smoking at home in just my sweatpants and Life Alert.

Must be at least 7 ft and younger than I was when my hubbie (RIP ERNEST) returned from war. Gingers need not apply.

My Anthem: “Squidward Nose” by Cupcakke