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The Happy Haps
Jawn Fries sets out to determine side effects of letting ambition wait
Senior vice president of enrollment management and wallet extraction, Handy Freake, announced another record-breaking number of incoming students. Nearly 6,000 ...
Apr. 1, 2017
Teaching assistant under fire for tweet about ‘freshman genocide’
Ricky Maher-Money-Maher-Problems, a teaching assistant at Drexel, made national news this week by tweeting to thousands of followers: “All I Want for Spring B...
Apr. 1, 2017
Trampoline used to avoid construction
BigBounce’s biggest problem is that it got too big too fast, said Snooty Cahoots, former co-op and chairman of Bempis International and current Rectangle staf...
Apr. 1, 2017
Trump buys The Study, erects middle finger to UPenn
Real estate mogul and United States not my President Donald Trump reached an agreement April 1 with Hospitality3 to purchase The Study and transform it into a b...
Apr. 1, 2017
Dining hall food kills students, retention rate approaches zero
“She had so much life left to live,” Toot Toot McPhee stuttered through tissues. “I mean, she was an art history major, so she was going to starve to deat...
Apr. 1, 2017
Rich folks break ground at Poorman building site
A line of affluent middle-aged white people in expensive suits put on hard hats for no discernable reason and moved small piles of dirt three inches from where ...
Apr. 1, 2017
Tenured professors hunted down, kept in dungeon
Drexel’s last tenured professor, Yuol Shit of the engineering department, announced he would be retiring early yesterday. After a buttload of pressure from th...
Apr. 1, 2016
Students found not guilty of hazing
The Drexel Judicial Committee investigated several reports of hazing this week within Drexel’s chapter of the National Kanye West Appreciation Club. The commi...
Apr. 1, 2015
New after-death housing requirement now enforces triple grave occupancy
In an unprecedented move to further its control on housing for students, Drexel University announced March 13 via email that construction had begun to turn Drex...
Apr. 1, 2015
President Fry does the Philly Naked Bike Ride
Drexel University President Juan Fry announced in January he was going to participate in the Philadelphia Naked Bike Ride in order to raise money for a nonprofi...
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