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Real Journalism
Earlier on in the term, Drexel University experienced a mid-week snow day. School was cancelled for Wednesday, with the notification going out Tuesday night when…
After a long, grueling campaign to stave off financial ruin, The University of Pennsylvania’s historied newspaper, The Daily Pennsylvanian has run out of money. The…
Apr. 1, 2019
PISB Biowall to be replaced with students’ plastic waste
Students of the College of Arts and Sciences — especially the biology and chemistry kids, since they are the ones who spend the most time…
Apr. 1, 2019
Drexel changes slogan to ‘Construction Can’t Wait’
Drexel University is well-regarded for its rigorous, fast-paced academics, its extensive community involvement and service, and its worldwide cooperative education program. But Drexel recently placed…
Apr. 1, 2018
Jawn Fries sets out to determine side effects of letting ambition wait
Senior vice president of enrollment management and wallet extraction, Handy Freake, announced another record-breaking number of incoming students. Nearly 6,000 freshman are slated to come…
Apr. 1, 2018
Admin changes all traffic lights to blue and yellow only
Piper Upper, assistant vice director of the office of unnecessary construction, made all campus traffic lights blue and yellow April 1 in a last ditch…
Apr. 1, 2018
TEEK purchases Drexel, lifts ban on itself
After facing five years of double secret probation for failing to comply with Drexel University’s alcohol policy, respected fraternity Tau Epsilon Epsilon Kappa has bought…
Apr. 1, 2018
Too many freshmen accepted, again
Senior vice president of enrollment management and wallet extraction, Handy Freake, announced another record-breaking number of incoming students. Nearly 6,000 freshman are slated to…
Apr. 1, 2017
Teaching assistant under fire for tweet about ‘freshman genocide’
Ricky Maher-Money-Maher-Problems, a teaching assistant at Drexel, made national news this week by tweeting to thousands of followers: “All I Want for Spring Break is…
Apr. 1, 2017
Trampoline used to avoid construction
BigBounce’s biggest problem is that it got too big too fast, said Snooty Cahoots, former co-op and chairman of Bempis International and current Rectangle staff…
Apr. 1, 2017
Trump buys The Study, erects middle finger to UPenn
Real estate mogul and United States not my President Donald Trump reached an agreement April 1 with Hospitality3 to purchase The Study and transform it…
Apr. 1, 2017
Dining hall food kills students, retention rate approaches zero
“She had so much life left to live,” Toot Toot McPhee stuttered through tissues. “I mean, she was an art history major, so she was…
Apr. 1, 2017
Rich folks break ground at Poorman building site
A line of affluent middle-aged white people in expensive suits put on hard hats for no discernable reason and moved small piles of dirt three…
Apr. 1, 2017
Tenured professors hunted down, kept in dungeon
Drexel’s last tenured professor, Yuol Shit of the engineering department, announced he would be retiring early yesterday. After a buttload of pressure from the university…
Apr. 1, 2016
New Folly application helps students waste their money
In an attempt to increase competitiveness and support expanding demands for capital, Drexel’s administration has begun using a new app that targets areas for the…
Apr. 1, 2016
Students found not guilty of hazing
The Drexel Judicial Committee investigated several reports of hazing this week within Drexel’s chapter of the National Kanye West Appreciation Club. The committee’s official conclusion…
Apr. 1, 2016
Trampling trend sees an increased herd of followers
According to a study published by Yukon State University March 25, an increasing number of young adults across America are starting to participate in trampling,…
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