After learning of the Department of Education’s initiative to reduce their workforce by 50 percent, Drexel University celebrated by removing the mandatory CR-1 training module that prohibits discrimination, harassment and retaliation. Drexel administrators jumped with joy Wednesday morning after learning of the D.O.E.’s reduction in workforce by deciding to indefinitely waive the mandatory CR-1 training […]

On March 17, the University of Pennsylvania announced the creation of a new scholarship known as the “Quaker Legacy Scholarship,” which will reward students simply for being born into the right family. The Quaker Legacy Scholarship is intended to ensure that the children of alumni, donors and anyone who has ever attended a UPenn tailgate […]

Against all the odds, The Rectangle secured an exclusive interview with incoming university president Antonio Merlot about his vision for his term as Drexel University’s 16th president.  The following interview has been heavily fabricated for clarity and levity.  The Rectangle: Could you introduce yourself? AM: My name is Antonio Merlot, and I was the head […]

In a surprise to literally no one, the newly created Department of Drexel Efficiency (DODE) has failed to cut spending on the Drexel Health Center due to the realization that the center never had any funding to begin with. The head of DODE, Stealon Masc, expressed his disappointment with the department’s inability to reduce costs […]

President Trump has announced a new initiative under his mass deportation program to deport chickens back to where they came from in Southeast Asia. The chickens will be subject to expedited removal, and they will not be able to claim asylum. Trump also issued an executive order halting all federal funding that may support chickens.  […]

Drexel University sororities are in a crisis after unexpected tariffs were imposed last Friday by the US president, driving up the essential cost of cheese and wine in highly populated areas.  Drexel Social Chair of Delta Gamma Brie Thompson opened up and expressed her anger towards the president’s decision with her statement, “Oh hell no…” […]

After months of investigating inefficiencies in Drexel’s medical program, Drexel University has officially implemented an innovative policy designed to provide every nursing student with the opportunity to participate in immersive, first-person surgical research. The university claims that studying dead bodies is an outdated practice. “Nurses and doctors should prevent dead bodies. You don’t operate on […]

Following Netflix’s third price hike in a year, a group of fed-up seniors from Drexel University’s Close School of Entrepreneurship haves exclusively shared their plans to start their own streaming platform. Quick to pre-empt skepticism about the redundancy of what might seem like just another drop in the ocean of streaming, the group revealed that […]

Ushering in a new golden age for debauchery, recent executive orders by President Trump to repeal DEI (diversity, equality and inclusion) initiatives have given new hope for hazing’s return to Drexel fraternities. The repealed initiatives offered protection against hazing for students in universities nationwide, by creating safe spaces for students to report harassment. The scrapped […]

The Triangle editorial board often talks about the creator of The Triangle, and how it all came to be. But, it’s time we share the lore with the common folks: First, there was the Big Bang. And on the 8th day God said, “Let there be John Triangle.” In 1906, John Triangle was born. But, […]