Your One and Only
Squeegee Beckenhiem
Main Complainer
Aim Peter
Waste of Space
Noar Noar
Editorial Extraordinaire Tom Phord
The Fetchest Betch Caux Caux Chanel
McDonald’s In-House Stylist Alexander MacQween
Fashun’s Baddest Bitch Donatella Versassy
Saucy Penne Alla Vodka
Disgraced Former Editor Jens Möøsëskäånd
Chief Executive Intern LL Cool J R. R. Tolkein
Staff Jew Jeremiah Bullfrog
Staff Mom Shaw T. Monee
Staff Proctologist Snooty Cahoots
Ghost Bear Shanye Gostisbehere
Tinfoil Hat Wearer Hobo Jim
Chief Astrologist Furkan Aldemir
Tank Engine Thomas The
Big Man Gary Walsh
Hopper Brodie Broadus
Secret Agent Michael Scarn
Fairytale Contributor Peter Pan
Criminal Informant Fuzzy Dunlop
That guy in your Poli Sci Class James Smith
Resident Bro-man-dude Rodd Shaftman