Israeli prime minister Benjamin “Bibi” Netanyahu has been announced as the featured speaker for Drexel University’s 2026 commencement ceremony.

“We couldn’t be happier to have him,” president Anthony Merlano told The Rectangle. “This is a huge step forward in our goal of aligning the university with Israel on all matters.”

“I’ve never been more jealous of another institution in my life,” said Drexel ex-president John Fried. “This is the commencement speaker catch of a lifetime.”

Students have been uniformly overjoyed. Members of Drexel Democrats, Drexel Turning Point, the Drexel Muslim Student Association, and Drexel Chabad have all expressed their intention to hold a pro-Netanyahu and pro-Israel rally outside Citizens Bank Park with supportive signs. 

In returning to Philadelphia to shepherd Drexel’s graduating class into their post-graduate lives, Netanyahu returns to the area that shaped his world-view as he ascended to become a two-time Prime Minister of Israel. 

Netanyahu spent his early adolescence in the Philadelphia area, graduating from nearby Cheltenham High School in 1967, where he remains a local legend to this day. The Rectangle’s Cheltenham correspondent tells us that Bibi has never had to pay for a drink around town.

“I think this will be one of the highlights of my time at Drexel — to be here for an occasion like this?” said one graduating senior. “This will be up there with the Gettysburg Address and ‘I Have a Dream’ in terms of history-making speeches.”

The Triangle, Drexel’s other, MUCH smaller and less important newspaper, has been ardently in support of the announcement. “We’ve long been underwritten by the state of Israel and the great people over at AIPAC, and we’re hoping to have Mr. Netanyahu come down to the newsroom while he’s here,” a Triangle representative told the serious student journalists at The Rectangle.

Netanyahu has, as all history’s great leaders must, faced some light criticism during his prodigious career. At times, people have disagreed with his decisions to pursue a policy of expansion in Palestine, deemphasize the judiciary, and maintain press censorship, but we haven’t heard any complaints lately.

He is also currently being tried on minor charges, including fraud, accepting bribes, and breach of trust, but who among us hasn’t?

Rumors are swirling that he will be joined at Commencement by Senator Jawn Letterman. Representatives for Letterman declined to comment on the senator’s plans, but told The Rectangle the senator hopes that “Netanyahu, as leader of the sole democracy in the Middle East, will be received like the American hero that he is.” I don’t know about you, but now we at The Rectangle are counting the days until Commencement!

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