Oh, look. Another one. Unfortunately, this is not referencing a DJ Khaled quote, but instead we’re talking about shootings. School shootings to be exact. The desensitization to school shootings has reached new heights. We seem to see it in the news, read about it online and hear people discussing it, yet we brush it off […]

 Following the announcement earlier this year including Philadelphia as a candidate for Amazon’s HQ2, we would like to propose a potential location on campus. Myers Hall has long been scheduled for demolition, and its central location would be perfect for the online shopping behemoth. With easy access to the large student body for their many […]

Senior vice president of enrollment management and wallet extraction, Handy Freake, announced another record-breaking number of incoming students. Nearly 6,000 freshman are slated to come to Drexel University in the fall of 2018, a 69% increase from last year. President Jawn A. Fries and dean of admissions, Eve Thimble, were seen skipping down the street […]

Piper Upper, assistant vice director of the office of unnecessary construction, made all campus traffic lights blue and yellow April 1 in a last ditch effort to increase school spirit. Following poor attendance at every sporting event, campus bonding activity and university pride orgies, every traffic light on campus now hypnotically flashes Drexel colors, thanks […]

The National Collegiate Athletic Association has just announced that it will be expanding the teams included in the March Madness Division I men’s basketball tournament from a total of 64 in the first round to 128. This means that each quadrant will begin with 32 teams. The top 16 will be seeded according to the […]

Members of the improv comedy club the Drexel Football Team have suffered a remarkable amount of concussions this year, according to a new report by their personal doctor, Fuhn E. Bones. The news comes as a shock to many, as the Football Team does not, in fact, engage in any athletic activity. Last year, it […]

After facing five years of double secret probation for failing to comply with Drexel University’s alcohol policy, respected fraternity Tau Epsilon Epsilon Kappa has bought the university and overturned the punishment. The fraternity reports that this transaction was funded by alumni donations. “I think it really is a testament to the importance of self-reliance. When […]

  Senior vice president of enrollment management and wallet extraction, Handy Freake, announced another record-breaking number of incoming students. Nearly 6,000 freshman are slated to come to Drexel University in the fall of 2018, a 69% increase from last year. President Jawn A. Fries and dean of admissions, Eve Thimble, were seen skipping down the […]

The ’90s were a fantastic period for film. Breakouts at Sundance like “Reservoir Dogs” lead to a wave of indie filmmaking, jumpstarting multiple careers in the process. Old masters like Martin Scorsese made their best work, while Terrence Malick finally came out of retirement with “The Thin Red Line.” Elsewhere, Pixar made its grand debut […]

The Oscars: the biggest night in Hollywood. It’s also probably the biggest night in other places, but definitely the biggest one in Hollywood. Unless all those Hollywood stars all get together for an exclusive party on another night during the year, like a Screen Actors Guild version of the Bilderberg Group, that would probably be […]