Senior vice president of enrollment management and wallet extraction, Handy Freake, announced another record-breaking number of incoming students. Nearly 6,000 freshman are slated to come to Drexel University in the fall of 2018, a 69% increase from last year. President Jawn A. Fries and dean of admissions, Eve Thimble, were seen skipping down the street […]

Piper Upper, assistant vice director of the office of unnecessary construction, made all campus traffic lights blue and yellow April 1 in a last ditch effort to increase school spirit. Following poor attendance at every sporting event, campus bonding activity and university pride orgies, every traffic light on campus now hypnotically flashes Drexel colors, thanks […]

The National Collegiate Athletic Association has just announced that it will be expanding the teams included in the March Madness Division I men’s basketball tournament from a total of 64 in the first round to 128. This means that each quadrant will begin with 32 teams. The top 16 will be seeded according to the […]

Members of the improv comedy club the Drexel Football Team have suffered a remarkable amount of concussions this year, according to a new report by their personal doctor, Fuhn E. Bones. The news comes as a shock to many, as the Football Team does not, in fact, engage in any athletic activity. Last year, it […]

After facing five years of double secret probation for failing to comply with Drexel University’s alcohol policy, respected fraternity Tau Epsilon Epsilon Kappa has bought the university and overturned the punishment. The fraternity reports that this transaction was funded by alumni donations. “I think it really is a testament to the importance of self-reliance. When […]

  Senior vice president of enrollment management and wallet extraction, Handy Freake, announced another record-breaking number of incoming students. Nearly 6,000 freshman are slated to come to Drexel University in the fall of 2018, a 69% increase from last year. President Jawn A. Fries and dean of admissions, Eve Thimble, were seen skipping down the […]

The ’90s were a fantastic period for film. Breakouts at Sundance like “Reservoir Dogs” lead to a wave of indie filmmaking, jumpstarting multiple careers in the process. Old masters like Martin Scorsese made their best work, while Terrence Malick finally came out of retirement with “The Thin Red Line.” Elsewhere, Pixar made its grand debut […]

The Oscars: the biggest night in Hollywood. It’s also probably the biggest night in other places, but definitely the biggest one in Hollywood. Unless all those Hollywood stars all get together for an exclusive party on another night during the year, like a Screen Actors Guild version of the Bilderberg Group, that would probably be […]

If you’re reading this right now then you must be one of The Triangle’s countless adoring fans. Sometimes it feels that The Triangle may even be getting a bit too big for their britches, and it may soon be catching up with them. An inexperienced, heartless hack of a writer who goes by the name […]

Valentine’s Day is only 319 days away, but it’s never too early to start looking for that special someone. That’s why the Rectangle staff got together this year to write the ultimate guide to picking up chicks. All of us writers are big husky men with lots of sex appeal and multiple girlfriends, so you […]