Dining hall food kills students, retention rate approaches zero

“She had so much life left to live,” Toot Toot McPhee stuttered through tissues. “I mean, she was an art history major, so she was going to starve to death anyway, but … it was just too soon,” she cried, inconsolable at the death of her “bestie for life,” Marsha Brady. It has now been […]

New after-death housing requirement now enforces triple grave occupancy

In an unprecedented move to further its control on housing for students, Drexel University announced March 13 via email that construction had begun to turn Drexel Park into a cemetery, where alumni will be interred to fulfill the new after-death on-campus housing requirement. The announcement, appended to a course evaluation reminder, at first went largely […]