Ricky Maher-Money-Maher-Problems, a teaching assistant at Drexel, made national news this week by tweeting to thousands of followers: “All I Want for Spring Break is Freshman Genocide.” “Nah, bro. I totally didn’t mean it like that,” Maher-Money-Maher-Problems told a Rectangle reporter, shaking his head. “Does anyone understand what the term ‘freshman genocide’ means? Of course […]
BigBounce’s biggest problem is that it got too big too fast, said Snooty Cahoots, former co-op and chairman of Bempis International and current Rectangle staff proctologist. Cahoots, also a senior Badidea entrepreneurship student, stood at the foot of Mario, the university dragon mascot, watching students hurl themselves onto a large trampoline he’d stretched between Mario’s […]
Real estate mogul and United States not my President Donald Trump reached an agreement April 1 with Hospitality3 to purchase The Study and transform it into a bigger hotel that will also feature a strip mall and club. This came as a shock to the university community, as the hotel just announced its opening one […]
“She had so much life left to live,” Toot Toot McPhee stuttered through tissues. “I mean, she was an art history major, so she was going to starve to death anyway, but … it was just too soon,” she cried, inconsolable at the death of her “bestie for life,” Marsha Brady. It has now been […]
A line of affluent middle-aged white people in expensive suits put on hard hats for no discernable reason and moved small piles of dirt three inches from where they originally were as part of the Poorman groundbreaking ceremony March 20. The Poorman Building and Poorman Quadrangle’s renovation was put in motion when the Poorman family […]
Drexel’s last tenured professor, Yuol Shit of the engineering department, announced he would be retiring early yesterday. After a buttload of pressure from the university (new severance package offers were being discretely jammed under his office door every morning) Shit agreed to “just get the goddamn thing over with already”. Administrative officials have been slowly […]
A lot of hysteria has been going around the lamestream media lately with regard to President Donald Trump’s proposal for a renewed ban. I for one wholeheartedly support it, and think that the injunctions from several so-called judges are clear examples of judicial activism. Trump is making good on one of his campaign promises — […]
I know that you probably don’t want to hear the same argument about the unreasonable cost of Drexel, but I can’t help myself. The detrimental effects this tuition is having on the helpless students is getting out of hand. I don’t condone it and I won’t stand for it. Drexel is too cheap and it […]
A very strange thing happened to me recently: a man at the Dragon statue called me a whore. Now, I’ve been called a slut, a tramp, or a skank before; the usual thing sorority sisters tell each other. But he said it with such conviction that it really caused me to re-examine my life. I […]
It’s certainly a dark time we live in now. I know things are looking bleak – well-respected media outlets are saying things like “President Trump,” and “the president, Donald, Trump.” Many people surveyed even think that Trump is already the president of the United States. But don’t worry, fellow socially conscious nineteen-year-olds – all hope […]