Month: April 2015

Demolition of ICC tempts fiery retribution from the gods

April 01, 2015 by

The James E. Marks Intercultural Center, largely known as the central hub of religious worship at Drexel University, met its demise this year at the hands of Drexel University’s officials. They convened at the top of the Papadakis Integrated Sciences Building each dressed as a different Greek god, cackling around an artificial lightning-bolt machine called […]

#MyFuture allows students to donate to Drexel in their early years

April 01, 2015 by

Drexel University has launched a new giving campaign directed at prospective students under the name “#myfuture.” The #myfuture campaign encourages prospective students to make donations in addition to their $50 application fee to “ensure their future at Drexel University.” The campaign has been touted by DrexelNow as a revolutionary new way to raise funds for […]

Silver Toga Thrasher takes on Brass Knuckles Bandit in pay-per-view smack-down

April 01, 2015 by

Drexel University’s Department of Public Safety held a tournament to select two of the University’s most infamous Drexel Alerts in 2014 to compete in the most brutal cage wrestling match. After possibly one of the bloodiest events in television history, the final match up comes between Alert contenders “Silver Toga” and “Brass Knuckles.” The event, […]

Designer profile: Duchess of Meowington

April 01, 2015 by

There are few artists in this world that will make a solid name for themselves in the fashion industry. In order to be a part of these few, you must have true visionary talent and an undeniable ability to create designs that people will rave about from season to season. We had the once in […]

High tuition should make you happy

April 01, 2015 by

Every so often Drexel University notifies us that we owe them money. Of course payment of this money is optional. The other option is to stop attending classes and become the next Steve Jobs. But since Jobs is as dead as this analogy and Apple is well on its way without your assistance, maybe it’s […]

Engineering student speaks for the first time in open conversation

April 01, 2015 by

In what can only be described as a shocking turn of events, junior electrical engineering student Frank Peterson decided to engage his classmates in conversation for the first time in over three years. Peterson, almost always studying for his next thermo exam, engaged those in the immediate vicinity of his desk for over five minutes […]

Investigation reveals reason for m. bball injury problems

April 01, 2015 by

A month-long investigation by The Rectangle into the training methods of the Drexel University men’s basketball team revealed that the team’s lone trainer, Maximillian Payne, was grossly negligent in his treatment of the team during an injury-plagued season. Among Payne’s various methods of dealing with nagging injuries, his most common treatment was to give players […]

Star Sightings

April 01, 2015 by

Vice President Joe Biden was sighted at Kiwi Yogurt on 36th and Chestnut March 29. Store manager JaVale O’Flannery said, “It’s a thrill to have such a famous national figure in my store. I just wish he would stop holding up the line, he’s been trying to pick out flavors and toppings for about two […]

Keystone Light gives frugal drinkers taste of PA pride

April 01, 2015 by

When it comes right down to it, I’m a simple man. I like big trucks, big dogs, big boobs and President George W. Bush. I like things close to home, and my home is the heartland of the Keystone State, Pennsylvania. That’s why I’m reviewing our great state’s greatest export, Keystone Light. After Uncle Sam […]