Drexel therapy dogs vanish, in unrelated news, Jawn Fry and Temple University adopt three new fuzzy friends

In a heartbreaking announcement to students and faculty, the Drexel University Counseling Center announced that the beloved therapy and emotional support dogs, Espresso, Java, and Mocha Latte, had vanished overnight.  “We have no idea what happened. We left them in their beds last night, and when we got back they were gone,” said a representative […]

Lancaster Balls greased in anticipation of Drexel Football Team win

In just a few days, the Drexel Football Team faces off against their conference rivals, Penn Improv Super Squad for the championship title. As this legendary event approaches, Drexel University officials are preparing for tens of fans to hit Lancaster Walk, and avoid a repeat of the dangerous situations caused by DFTs past victories. Melvin […]

Drexel runs out of money, UPenn to absorb University

Facing severe financial troubles, Drexel University has announced that the University of Pennsylvania will be absorbing Drexel. As Drexel explaineds in a press release, this move will allow Drexel to pay off $700 million of debt accrued from paying university executives with UPenn’s endowment.

How John Frye spends his millions

On March 14, Drexel University President John Frye released a statement addressing recent student concerns regarding his revenue. This message was sent to the Drexel community following a report of President Frye’s salary on Feb. 16.  “I am pained that many students have expressed their views that I am unworthy of $2 million each year,” […]

Freshman lost in Main Building finally speaks out following rescue

Navigating a new school can be a challenge for many new students, but few will face an interior layout as complex as the one braved by Drexel students with classes in the historic Main Building. Aptly named for its many purposes as a joint space for classes, the performing arts, administrative office spaces, and more, […]